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Surviving Your First Crush

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Imagine seeing that certain someone in the hall. Eyes meet, hearts start pounding, the world stops.

Does this sound familiar? Then you are like one of many BMSers to experience the crush. Here are four
articles about this middle school journey.

What is a Crush?
By Max Kirkorsky

According to Mr. Don Savage, health teacher at BMS, a crush is “usually a butterfly feeling you get when you are around someone.”

Why is that butterfly feeling even called a crush? This reporter’s research found no particular reason why a crush is called a crush; however, as the name implies, it is a crush, and it takes a long journey for someone to go from crush to someone more important. In that process, feelings may get crushed.

Ava Porretta
Why do we have crushes? Why do we care for some people more than others? Why do we feel this way? These are all questions pondering in some people’s minds on why they have crushes.

According to The Debrief, a website on news, we all have crushes due to the limbic part of our brain.
The limbic part of our brain is one of the parts of our brain we share with other animals. This part of our brain is also responsible for basic human functions, such as breathing and keeping our heart beating. This limbic part of our brain just wants dopamine, a chemical in your brain that affects your emotions, movements and your sensations of pleasure and pain.

Dopamine neurotransmitters are located in the deep middle region of your brain called the substantia nigra. Your substantia nigra is a layer of deeply pigmented gray matter situated in the midbrain and containing the cell bodies of a tract of dopamine.

“You are usually between 10 and 12 when you get your first crush, around when you go to middle school,” says Mr. Savage. You get these feelings because of hormones called testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone is a male hormone that results in strong physical and romantic attractions to others. Estrogen does the same, but in females. These hormones are what cause you wanting to date your crush. These hormones are produced in the adrenal glands above the kidney.

How do you know you have a crush on someone? That person usually makes you feel good about yourself, and you like to be around them. There is a hormone called oxytocin, and it is released when you’re around someone that makes you feel good about yourself, according to Mr. Savage.
Oxytocin is released in the pituitary gland, which is a pea sized structure in the base of your brain. It is responsible for social bonds.

“Oxytocin is also what bonds a child with their mom or dad,” says Dr. Cortright. A rule on a farm: never mess with a mama’s cow and her calf. Everytime the mama helps the calf, such as cleaning it, loads of oxytocin are released, so she is very overprotective of her calf.

This is also true for us humans. When a mom’s baby is born, a lot of oxytocin is released, and she is overprotective of her baby. She always wants to be with the baby. So oxytocin is a hormone that is released to connect two people together.

In the end, a crush comes down to a few things. It comes down to how your hormones, mainly testosterone or estrogen, reacts to a certain person.

 

Listening Helps: Crush Aid
By Jaiyana Khan

If there is a lot of testosterone or estrogen released, then your body will make you have certain attractions to others. If oxytocin is released, it will help to connect the two people, possibly two lovers, closer together. Then, and only then, will you know that you have a crush on someone.

Have you ever had someone confess who their crush is to you? It can be a but nerve racking if you don’t know how to respond or what to do. It’s also a responsibility, because this person trusts you enough to tell you something they don’t want others to know.

But what do you do to help your friend? According to Dr. Kelly Barker, a guidance counselor at Bedford, “The biggest thing you can do as a friend is listen and be an open friend.” Talk to them, and be aware of what they’re asking of you.

Do they want advice, or do they just want someone to listen? If they don’t want to do anything about their crush, don’t push them. You shouldn’t try to force someone to do something they aren’t comfortable with, said Dr. Barker.

Nick Lolis
“You shouldn’t try to force someone to do something they aren’t comfortable with.” says Dr. Kelly Barker.

If a friend wants to tell someone about a crush, realize this: The idea of confessing to having a crush is frightening. There’s always the fear of rejection lingering in the back of your mind. According to “The Guardian,” people are scared to confess to their crush because they fear that they will get a negative reaction, and be disliked by the person they are confessing to for having feelings for them.

Tell your friend that no matter what reaction they get from their crush, you’ll be there to hear it. This can give them a sense of comfort, and will let them know that they have you to fall back on if things go badly. If they confess to their crush, it can lift a weight off their shoulders. They won’t have to deal with the stress of their crush not being aware of their feelings. Make sure they know this, because it could give them the motivation they need.

The biggest thing you can do as a friend is listen and be an open friend.””

— Dr. Kelly Barker

One thing Dr. Barker stressed was avoiding the temptation to becoming a middleman or go-between. It may seem flattering that someone trusts a person with this job, but it is not a healthy role to play. People need to learn how to talk about their emotions directly.

According to Mr. Don Savage, a health teacher at BMS, one of the most, if not most important thing for someone to know when interacting with their crush is to be themselves. He said you want your crush to get to know you for who you are, not someone you are pretending to be. If it ever gets to the point of a relationship, and you aren’t being your true self, the truth will come out eventually, so it’s better to start out honest and true to yourself rather than cause issues later.

Overall, the best thing you can do for your friend is to be there for him or her no matter what he or she decides to do, because that’s what friends do.

 

BMS Crushes
By Rachalle Ubaldo

“Ursus” went out and interviewed students and teachers about their past crushes. It went well, mostly. Some people are too nervous about talking about their old flames, their “first loves.” But others do open up–mostly teachers–because for some students, the crushes are still too close in time and friendships could be affected.

But here’s what we found.

Ms. Sarah Harding, a guidance counselor, had a crush back in sixth grade. “I had my first crush, and it was on my best friend at the time. We were in classes at school and we did ballroom dancing together. We had to dance together! I never told him my crush.” Spoiler alert, this boy was the best man at her wedding.

Okay, but what about a student? Jake Fitzpatrick, an 8th grader in purple pod. He had his first crush back when he was 11 years old in 6th grade. “I felt a bit nervous seeing her around or walking past her in the hallways, since we weren’t really friends.” A few months later, he lost interest because he knew that “she was out of my league.”

Julian Fiore, another eighth grade student in purple pod currently has a crush, but also had a crush right before this current one. He wasn’t really friends with this person, so he didn’t act a certain way. “When I saw her, I felt uncomfortable on the inside but showed confidence on the outside,” he reported. Julian had this crush for about a month, but got over it when gaining attraction for someone else.

Another 8th grader, Thomas Sargent, said that he had his first crush in second grade, and that he wasn’t friends with her because “she was out of my league.” He said, felt, and acted mostly normal; he only thought she was “hot.” A couple months later, he got over it because he wasn’t attracted to her anymore.
The younger grades were less willing to share, but 6th grader Rohan Wadhwani reported never having a crush before. He said this was because he has never found any of the girls in his grade attractive.

Enough of the boys, how about the girls’ crushes? Jaiyana Khan, an 8th grader in the red pod, had a strong crush that lasted from the end of 7th grade until the beginning of 8th grade. “I acted like myself around him, since we were friends, but I felt comfortable around him and enjoyed being with him,” she said. In October, she started having feelings for another person while still having feelings for her original crush. She tried and succeeded in getting over her original crush due to her newly found crush reciprocating the feelings.

For Delaney Moody, an eighth grader in the green pod, her first crush lasted from kindergarten to second grade. When asked about it, she said, “I got over him because I moved away. I was pressured into liking him in the first place, so I thought I liked him when I really didn’t.” So much for long distance relationships.

Overall, crushes are weird and confusing. The 8th graders at Bedford were much more willing to talk about their experiences with crushes than the 6th and 7th graders. This could be because 8th graders just have more experience with the topic, being older.

What about your crush?

My Middle School Crush
By Merel Kanter

Crushes.
Almost everybody has them. From a friend crush, to a ‘like-like’ crush, most people get them. Personally I have had quite a few crushes. Let me tell you all about one of them.

I still remember the first time I saw him–Language Arts, purple pod, first day of school.

I was immediately drawn to him because he seemed like such a nice kid. He wasn’t afraid to talk to a lot of people, constantly making conversation and proving his affability.

I sat there analyzing him, silently hoping he would talk to me. He was well-liked and from what I had observed, he was very sympathetic and caring because he would talk to all the people in the class who seemed not to have many friends.

At the same time he seemed so cool and funny. He just seemed to be confident and comfortable in his own skin. After relentlessly thinking about the kid, I decided to start talking to him to see if we would get along.

I always assumed we would but I was never completely sure, so to confirm that this crush was the real deal, I needed to see how compatible we were.

I can still remember talking to him and feeling like no words would come out. My heart beat would speed up, and I would start rethinking everything I would say. I would think things like, Oh my god, why did I say that, that’s so weird! He must think I’m pathetic. I would never talk to him without planning out our conversation through and through, making sure I got every word right so I could come off as calm and collected.

As time went on, I grew more and more comfortable with him. I started being myself more and realized that we clicked. We got along so well, and we could talk for hours on end. There was no better part to my day than when I was talking to him.

But here’s the thing, crushes come and go. Even if your crush doesn’t ‘like-like’ you back, it’s not the end of the world.

It’s in the fabric of human nature to be drawn to certain people, but they constantly change as you mature. Take me for an example, I had my crush in L.A. but once the bell rang, I was off to science and don’t get me started on my science crush.

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42 Comments

42 Responses to “Surviving Your First Crush”

  1. Evan on February 15th, 2018 9:12 am

    I really like the detail of the bio of crushes. It is a new view of looking at it and it is really well written.

  2. Theresa Vandis on February 15th, 2018 9:26 am

    This article was really good. I like how you talk from personal experience, when giving advice. I also liked how at the end you talked about people in general, and how they act.

  3. Jessica Qi on February 15th, 2018 9:38 am

    I liked how this article was really detailed and had a lot of information I never knew about. I also liked how you gave examples of other people’s personal experiences and professional tips on how to act.

  4. Addie on February 15th, 2018 10:02 am

    Thx! For this awesome article. I’m a girl who always gets a warm, butterfly feeling when I get a crush. This article helped me in the way that I shouldn’t get down on myself when my crush doesn’t “like like” me back. Because I like being a SINGLE PRINGLE! Something that I think you should next time if you want to make another article like this. You should add how sometimes asking a boy and girl that you “like like” that you can ask them to hang out and it’s totally cool. Thanks anyway! It was a great article. Can’t wait to read the next one!

  5. Kaitlyn Seo on February 15th, 2018 10:13 am

    I agree with basically all of these other comments, but I would also like to add that it is good to know that this is something kind of scientific, and not just emotional. Personally, I tend to be mixed between reason (Ravenclaw!) and feelings (HUFFLEPUFF!). It helps me to know that something like this is a bit of both sides. Also, I agree that this is extremely well written, in the way that it includes many examples, and has hints of humor. I also enjoy how you guys collaborated in writing something like this, because experiences are different for everyone, and everyone has different views. (Sorry that this is really long…)

  6. Devon Denkin on February 15th, 2018 10:16 am

    Nice article. Very insightful. I will keep what I read in mind.

  7. Frankie O'Brien on February 15th, 2018 10:19 am

    From what i have seen in real life and TV, there are 2 ways people deal with crushes, which usually depends on how much confidence they have. One way is keeping it to themselves, not really making it obvious that they have, because, like they said in this article, they fear rejection and not having a lot of confidence. Some people are really good at this, whether acting normal around their crush, or not even talking to The other way is they don’t care what other people think of them for having a crush. They usually ask people out more often, maybe even flirt, because they have more confidence than others, and, like I said, don’t care what other people think.

  8. Kaya on February 15th, 2018 10:27 am

    In my opinion I don’t think that crushes are necessary. I think that you shouldn’t wait for a while to tell them just come clean immediately. if they reject you they are not good enough for you.

  9. scarlett on February 15th, 2018 11:03 am

    the article was good. I liked how people talked from there own personal experiences, but it also had a lot of new information that I never new about before

  10. Graham Zemel on March 6th, 2018 1:31 pm

    I agree! It really does help to talk about experiences because then people can really relate. I actually found out a lot of new and interesting information while reading this article!

  11. Joyce Seo on February 15th, 2018 12:07 pm

    I like how there were “interviews” with actual people in BMS about their crushes. I also really like how it explained the scientific reasoning behind having a crush; it helps explain that having a crush is totally normal.

  12. Madeleine on February 15th, 2018 12:15 pm

    I thought this was a really good artical, I liked how I got to hear about other people’s stories, and it was interesting to hear about the science about crushes. good job!

  13. Ian on February 15th, 2018 12:16 pm

    You get these feelings because of hormones called testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone is a male hormone that results in strong physical and romantic attractions to others. Estrogen does the same, but in females. These hormones are what cause you wanting to date your crush.

  14. Carly Greenberger on February 15th, 2018 12:16 pm

    I really liked the article. I liked how you added personal experiences and asked different people. And I learned something new. Their was a lot of facts as well as personal information.

  15. Parker on February 15th, 2018 12:18 pm

    I liked this article because it got down to the science of it and the way it explained it was really understandable

  16. Leah on February 15th, 2018 12:35 pm

    I like how the article included many different perspectives on crushes and how different people from different ages were interviewed.

  17. Phoebe on February 15th, 2018 12:39 pm

    This was very interesting to read, I learned so much! I liked how there were many different quotes and examples. It was written very well and was understandable.

  18. Peter Moody on February 15th, 2018 12:41 pm

    Pretty cool, I guess.

  19. Catherine on February 15th, 2018 1:58 pm

    These were a great set of articles, that were really informative. It is great to read articles can relate to! Keep up the good work!

  20. Ethan Gordon on February 15th, 2018 2:21 pm

    I think it was a smart idea to ask multiple people for their opinions and experiences. I think that makes your articles a lot more credible and insightful.

  21. Helena Cohen on February 15th, 2018 2:22 pm

    I like how you included the part about why we have crushes. I never knew that we released oxytocins when we feel happy.

  22. Helena Cohen on February 15th, 2018 2:24 pm

    I like that you talked about how are brains are affected as well. It is very interesting!

  23. Peter Macris on February 16th, 2018 1:27 pm

    Ok… so… (this is probably the stupidest thing I will do in eighth grade) so I have had a lot of crushes in my sixth and seventh grade years, and they all seam to have originated from one place. the goldfish effect. and I say “The goldfish affect” the same way you would say “Homework” or “Geometry test on friday”. you see, when goldfish are, how do I say this… “repopulating” the females will look for the male with the brightest scales, this is because this is an indicator of good health (for goldfish, of course, if you saw a glowing human walking down the street you would probably cross to the other side.) and thus better offspring. but what happens when there are two males and they can’t decide who is brighter? they go with the one that all the others are “repopulating” and the same effect applies with humans. if we see someone getting a lot of attention then we will automatically be attracted to them. and I’m not proud to say this is how I got most of my sixth and seventh grade crushes.

  24. Peter Macris on February 18th, 2018 7:55 pm

    But my eighth grade has been… you could say, different.

  25. Lailah Abbed on March 6th, 2018 8:28 am

    I like how you took this deeper than just saying “A crush is when you like someone” and instead, saying the reasons why we have crushes and what makes us feel that way.

  26. Iva Radman on March 6th, 2018 8:36 am

    I really like this article! I love how you added the science behind a crush and why it happens. The details in this were great, and the interviews with others really show how common it is. What gave you the idea to write this article?

  27. Alice on March 6th, 2018 8:49 am

    Great artical!! I liked how they showed different points of view on peoples past crushes.

  28. Ava Haazen on March 6th, 2018 8:56 am

    I never knew that there is a science behind crushes.

  29. Tess on March 6th, 2018 10:50 am

    I really liked this article! I really liked the stories, and I liked how it said how to help a friend.

  30. Maggie on March 6th, 2018 10:55 am

    I liked the Article. It sounded professional. It was really True. Not like lots of other articles that make life seem like a cartoon! And it was really fun to hear all of the Teachers and Students stories!

  31. Charlotte on March 6th, 2018 10:57 am

    I like how much detail you give about every subject, How do you know if someone has a crush on you?

  32. Oskar Svartz on March 6th, 2018 11:12 am

    I really like that yo explained the way how to be a friend in a loving situation.

  33. Dameer Khan on March 6th, 2018 12:18 pm

    This article is very informative for people who are going the a tough time with problems having to do with crushes. This can be helpful to a lot of people that are having issues with crushes in their lives.

  34. sydney berk on March 6th, 2018 12:36 pm

    i really liked this article because personal experiences and how other people reacted to it.

  35. Maia Freeman on March 6th, 2018 1:37 pm

    This article was good. I liked how they included bms students stories about there crushes.

  36. Derek Levy on March 6th, 2018 1:38 pm

    I think that these articles will teach people a very important topic about love. I think it was a good idea to ask other people what having a crush is like.

  37. Deniz Turker on March 6th, 2018 1:39 pm

    I think this article really describes Middle school and teaches you a good lesson.

  38. Emma on March 6th, 2018 1:40 pm

    I liked how you added personal experiences. I liked how there was a lot of facts along with interviews from teachers and students.

  39. elle on March 6th, 2018 1:40 pm

    i like the was that this was produced and spoken and i also liked it because, we got a personal experiences from students at the school.

  40. Sarah Himes on March 6th, 2018 1:42 pm

    I really enjoyed the way this article explained everything that has to do with crushes. From the biology of crushes, to the stories told by kids, I learnt a lot from start to end.

  41. Alexander on March 6th, 2018 1:43 pm

    This was interesting to read.

  42. Oskar on March 7th, 2018 2:33 pm

    I really like the way you explain how to be a friend to somebody in a “loving” situation.

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