The dancing, the pictures, the DJ, the music loud enough to burst your eardrums—they’re all ingredients in the making of a bar or bat mitzvah season. For many middle school students, this is a time in which every decision is weighted heavily with importance.

“That was hard. That was stress. I was like ‘Am I gonna mess up?’” said eighth grader Daria Maya, referring to her ceremony which was on July 30th. All bar and bat mitzvahs celebrants go to Hebrew school for six years before their ceremony. The bar and bat mitzvah process is a long one, that’s why it ends with a party.

For the party guests, though, they have a lot more responsibility than commonly thought. First, you have to find a gift. Bar and bat mitzvah gifts have been boiled down into a simple science: everyone gives checks. The standard amount is always in multiples of $18.00 because in Hebrew, the number 18 is pronounced ‘chai’, which also means ‘life’. Make sure to check with others to make sure you didn’t give too much or too little, and bam, you’ve got yourself a gift.

Eighth grader Nicholas Miller said, “It’s fun…, it gives you, like, a good feeling,” and Amanda Kline says, “It’s stressful… but I like it.”

Getting ready for the party is anything but easy. The biggest part is figuring out what to wear. This is a precise art, because you can neither be too dressy nor too casual for fear of standing out, which, in middle school, is a death sentence. Once you figure out the perfect outfit for the night—which, if you did it right, is just like everybody else’s—it’s likely you have makeup or hair that needs to be done. And whether or not you’re wearing makeup, don’t forget deodorant: you’ll be thankful for it later after all the dancing.

It’s also important to figure out your “squad” ahead of time. These are the people you arrive with, eat with, and dance with, and they’re also the people you can always trust to tell you if there are remnants of chips and salsa stuck in your braces. So remember, bar and bat mitzvahs are always more fun with friends to party with. Make sure your “squad” isn’t toxic, and that they will let you dance your heart out without insults. But, after you go home and crash for 12 hours, the party still isn’t over. Be prepared for a sea of bar and bat mitzvah sweatshirts the next day at school. The cafeteria will be filled with everyone wearing the exact same thing. Also be prepared for the many posts on social media of pictures with the celebrant. And if for some reason you weren’t invited to this one, it’s important to remember that not everyone can be invited to every party, so don’t feel too glum when you see everyone wearing the sweatshirt or when you see pictures on Instagram. Not being invited probably wasn’t personal. Try to be happy for those celebrating.

But, in the end, all the stress for both the guests and for the celebrant is worth it. Because after the music stops playing, after the dance floor is emptied, and after you take off the high heels you can’t handle, someone became a young adult that day, and a whole bunch of other people got free food and a night of fun. So the next time you are invited to a bar/bat mitzvah, squeeze every last memory out of it that you can, and never forget to dance, even if you’re the only one. Because there is not much difference between a crowd rooting for you, and a crowd yelling at you: they’re both just making a lot of noise. And always remember to get in that photo booth for a memento of the night, because you’ll want to have that memory for a long, long time.